shit happens – a plain English guide to religions and more
TAOISM – if you understand shit, it isn’t shit.
HINDUISM – this shit happened before.
CONFUCIONISM – confucious says “shit happens.”
BUDDHISM – shit will happen to you again.
ZEN – what is the sound of shit happening?
ISLAM – if shit happens, it is the will of allah.
SIKHISM – leave our shit alone.
JEHOVA’S WITNESS – knock knock. shit happens.
ATHEISM – i don’t believe this shit.
AGNOSTICISM – can you prove that shit happens?
CATHOLICISM – if shit happens, you deserve it.
PROTESTANTISM – shit happens, amen to that.
JUDAISM – why does shit always happen to us?
ORTHADOX JUDAISM – so shit happens, already.
TELEVANGELISM – send us money or shit will happen to you.
RASTAFARIANISM – let’s smoke this shit.
HARE KRISHNA – shit happens rama rama.
NATION OF ISLAM – don’t take no shit.
NEW AGE – visualize shit happening.
SHINTOISM – you inherit the shit of your ancestors.
HEDONISM – i love it when shit happens.
SATANISM – sneppah tihs.
CAPITALISM – this is my shit.
FEMINISM – men are shit.
EXISTENSIALISM – what is shit anyway?
SCIENTOLOGY – if shit happens, see dianetics p.137.
MORMONISM – excrement happens(don’t say shit).
BAPTISM – we’ll wash the shit right off you.
MYSTICISM – this is really wierd shit.
VOODOO – shit doesn’t just happen, we made it happen.
DISNEYISM – bad shit doesn’t happen here.
SURREALISM – fish happens.
CYNICISM – we are all full of shit.
TANTRISM – fuck this shit.
HIP-HOP – motherfuck this shiznat beeatch.
STATISTICIAN – shit is 84.7% likely to happen.
AMERICANISM – who gives a shit.
ENVIRONMENTALISM – shit is biodegradable.
FATALISM – oh shit, it’s going to happen.
VEGETARIANISM – if it happens to shit, don’t eat it.
MATERIALISM – whoever dies with the most shit wins.
FAMILY GATHERING – relatives are shit.
EINSTEIN – shit is relative.
POLITICALLY CORRECT – internally proccessed,
NUTRITIONAL – drained biological output happens.
DOG – i just shit in your shoe.
CAT – dogs are shit.
MOUSE – oh shit, a cat!
ACUPUNCTUARIST – hold still or this will hurt like shit.
LAWYERS – for enough money i can get you out of shit.
FREUD – shit is a phallic symbol.
DESCARTES – i shit therefore i am.
SHAKESPEAREAN – to shit or not to shit, that is the question.
TREKISM – to boldly shit where no-one has shit before.
OPTIMISM – shit won’t happen to me.
SUICIDAL – i’ve had enough of this shit.
AMISH – modern shit is useless.
DARWINISM – survival of the shittiest.
PSYCHO-ANYLYSIS – tell me about your shit.
CONSPIRACY THEORISM – THEY shit on us!
MARXISM – you have nothing to lose but your shit.
COMMUNISM – let’s share the shit.
WICCA – you can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times.